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Report to the Martian High Command

To: Admiral Zoltar, Martian High Command
From: Commodore Grontak, Earth Blockade Fleet

Sir: We have foiled another Earthling attempt to develop solar sail technology. One of their primitive chemical rockets tried to launch an experimental prototype solar sail craft. The destroyer Reptar shot it down easily with its Vortak Ray Cannon, while remaining undetected by their crude sensors. Our policy of preventing the Earthlings from developing effective means of interplanetary travel has been completely successful thus far, and Mars remains secure.

In related news, agent Zalgon26 reports that he has successfully infiltrated one of the humans' regional governments, where he is hard at work keeping them addicted to primitive energy sources for the time being. At this rate, they will never develop the necessary defenses before our invasion fleet is ready.

All hail Zyglor!
-- Grontak


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 22nd, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)

This made my day.
Jun. 22nd, 2005 05:31 pm (UTC)
To: Commodore Grontak, Earth Blockade Fleet
From: Admiral Zoltar, Martian High Command

Commodore Grontak:

You have been reduced in rank to Captain. Because you neglected to apply standard encoding procedures to your message, this classified communique has been leaked to the enemy. This has resulted in the discovery of our efforts by Earthling intelligence agencies.

Return home at once for your court-martial. The High Command is most anxious to discuss your numerous other transgressions which they have overlooked to date. The paternity suit pending against you in the German courts, for example, has persisted despite all efforts of our operatives to end it. There is also the matter of the Mars Lander, which took visual images of our most secret bases, and which you neglected to inform High Command about. These lapses in duty have culminated with the decision to reduce you in rank and bring you to trial.

If you do not appear in my matter transmitter (address: ZQX004825NNG14-555AQ) within the next fifteen xorks, we will be forced to send operatives in to retrieve you. Don't make me do that, Gron; I'll gladly dock your pay for the energy expenditure in addition to the other charges you are already facing.

By the way, Mother sends her love and wants to know why you haven't contacted her recently.

All hail Zyglor!
-- Zoltar
Jun. 22nd, 2005 10:46 pm (UTC)
blink blink

*BWaaa ha ah aha ha ha!*
Jun. 23rd, 2005 12:42 am (UTC)
HA HA HA HA! LOL! Masterful!

All hail Zyglor!
Jun. 22nd, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
is this...
...the same guy that interfered with the Mars probes?
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )