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Not going to Seattle

I wrote the Seattle company a note thanking them for their offer, but politely declining. I'm going to take my chances with staying here in Toronto, and sort out dual citizenship before I even think about anything south of the 49th parallel. We'll see what happens after that.

I still can't shake feeling like there's a red-hot dagger through my heart. I don't suppose that's going to go away any time soon. I can't help but think of a similar moment thirteen years ago, when I almost went west, but didn't; I hope I'm not repeating that mistake. But I need to finish what I started.

Beyond that, I have no words. This is the end of 2009, and the year can't go away quickly enough. What a disaster. The one bright spot to the whole year turned into every heartbreak from the nineties layered on top of one another, and I don't see how I'm going to recover, emotionally, any time soon. I have to get my job search back on track, and we need to be out of here in a month, so I need to find a way to pick up and keep moving forward, however I may be feeling. But how?