You Know You're From Rochester, NY When...
The only thing at the annual May Lilac Festival is snow.
The worst four-letter word you could say is "Fuji".
You can't swim at the beach.
You thought that you had figured out that alternate-parking thing, but wind up with a ticket anyway.
Toronto is about 70 miles away, but it takes four hours to get there.
The name "Greater Rochester International Airport" is bigger than the airport itself.
There's an 800 number to report a pothole in the road.
You know that a "Can of Worms" is not something that you take fishing. Your baby's first word is "Wegmans".
You ask lifetime residents where the George Eastman House is, but they don't know either.
In a city where it snows at least 90 inches a year, they build a new sports stadium with no roof on it.
It can be 70 degrees one day, below freezing the next, and you think nothing of it.
Your mother is buying outfits to wear to Wegmans.
Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude an Abbott's custard.
You order a white hot and a pop, and the counterman knows what you're talking about.
You can travel from Egypt to Greece in about a half-hour by car.
D&C is a newspaper, not a medical procedure.
There are no hamburgers, only ground steak.
You can go to any mall on a Saturday and see at least 5 people you either work with, went to school with or dated.
A musical comes to town 10 years after its Broadway premier and the entire town goes nuts!
You awaken from a deep sleep, look at the clock and see that it's 6:00, but you have no idea whether it's AM or PM.
When 18+ inches of snow falls overnight, but you never thought of NOT going to work.
You are perplexed when friends from other cities come to visit and want to "see the sights".
In winter if the temperature hits 45 degrees and the sun comes out, people walk around downtown wearing shades and no jackets.
There are places at the poles that seem to get more sunlight during the winter months than we do.
Wegmans is somewhere to go on a Friday night, for entertainment.
You know who Vinnie and Angelo are.
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
You think that people from Pennsylvania have an accent.
Halloween is snowed out with great regularity.
You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Genny and a bucket of Buffalo wings.
You believe that "down south" means Maryland.
Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.
You can compare Nick Tahoe's garbage plate to at least 3 other knock-offs in competing restaurants.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Rochester, NY.
You Know You're From Cleveland When...
Your idea of fine cuisine includes keilbasa and Stroh's beer
You think the Antichrist walks among us and moved to Baltimore in 1995
You refer to Pittsburgh as a Third World nation
You have to look at a map before you realize Cincinnati is NOT in Kentucky
You think political correctness involves using the term "certain ethnic" when telling a joke
You believe plastic lawn flamingos are essential in any landscaping project
Your second car is completely dissolved by salt by the time April rolls around
The phrase "lake effect" strikes terror in your heart
You actually remember when Dennis Kucinich was mayor
You see nothing wrong with wearing white sox with black shoes, even when wearing a tux
Party music involves an accordion
You always knew you lived in the Rock n Roll Capital of the World
You know more about Frankie Yankovic than Weird Al Yankovic
Tourists ask you what time the river catches fire
You believe the Second Coming meant the Browns returning in 1999
You don't really know any homosexuals, you just know that there are a lot of them in Lakewood.
You know you don't really have an accent, the rest of the world does.
You hear there are always famous people in town, but you have never seen one.
You hate country music, don't know anyone that does like country music, and yet WGAR just won the country music station of the year.
You take credit for Cedar Point even though it is 2 hours away.
You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world.
The Tri-C jingle "students for life" scares the hell out of you.
You take Dead Man's Curve at 60 mph holding your breath.
You know about the Eastside/Westside rivalry, but don't really understand it.
"Good Morning from the Buzzard Morning Zoo" is a jingle you'll never forget.
Your neighborhood schools went without sports because all the senior citizens refused to pass the levies.
You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga.
You can't tell Brook Park, Brooklyn, or Old Brooklyn apart.
You see Christmas lights still up in July.
You love BW-3, but have no clue what the heck weck is.
You find yourself singing "Garfield 1-2323" in the shower.
You're still dumbfounded by the Leaping Fountain in Tower City.
You have never ridden in a taxi.
You wear shorts the first day of the year it isn't below 30 and snowing, just because you can.
You have gotten 3 speeding tickets, and they are all from the mile long stretch of a suburb named Linndale.
You have no idea how exactly to get to the Flats, you just kind of end up on a bank and start partying.
You really don't know what the Warehouse District is, you just know that it's a great place to party.
You know who the Jake really is
You hate Baltimore and you have never been there.
St. Patty's Day is your number one holiday, and you aren't Irish.
You're still relishing 1987 when we ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl.
You counted down with the monument in Tower City to the exact second in 1999 when the Browns came back.
You heard Bill Clinton and Drew Carey love Parma Pierogies, but you have yet to ever eat there.
You know Tower City isn't a city at all.
Stories of Little Italy still send chills down your spine.
At least half of your wardrobe is Tribe apparel.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Cleveland.
You Know You're From Pittsburgh When...
"Hey Yuz Guyz" is your traditional greeting.
You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius.
You know the location of the following towns, know someone from them and have spent time there: Monongahela, Altoona, Bethlehem, Ligonier, Harmony, and Wilmerding.
You've memorized lines from the movie "Flashdance".
If you're a guy, your biggest fear is seeing your best friend drive into the "fruit loop". You're second biggest fear is seeing him drive out with Kordel Stewart.
If you're a girl, you're biggest fear is getting hit on by a hairy-chested man, heavily weighted in gold chains, who refers to his friends as "junior" at Chauncey's.
Your latest cultural experience: On your way to partying at Slippery Rock University, having to stop your car to let the Amish buggy cross the street.
As your out-of-town friends brag about their latest trips to Europe, you think to yourself, "Polish Hill will suffice."
You eat out at least once a week at a mafia-owned Italian pizza parlor.
Your father has worked for the same company for over 20 years.
You don't see what all the hype is about Disney World when Kennywood is just around the corner.
You're having a hard time on where to take your date out for dinner and a night on the town: - "meat on a stick" in the south side and the guzzling IC Light at Jack's... Or splitting an order of "O fries" and guzzling IC Light at Peter's Pub.
" N at' " is eloquently added to the end of every sentence.
You've taken deliberate field trips to the Andy Warhol museum.
You water ski on the Youghiogheny River Lake.
You feel the only good bands out there are Donny Iris, Joe Grushecky, The Blue Oyster Cult, and of course.... Rusted Root.
You're more worried about Jerome Bettis's health than your own.
You own more than one original Terrible Towel.
You don't understand what all the hype is about for Rolling Rock beer. You've been drinking it for years, although Penn Pilsner is better.
You consider a great vacation a trip to Conneaut Lake or Lake Erie. For something a little more exotic, a trip to the Jersey shore.
You're 35 years old, have never been outside of Allegheny County, and don't see the need to leave.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Heinz ketchup, and the bottle of Trappey's Red Devil you swiped from Primanti's.
For the life of you, you can't understand why your all your out-of-town friends don't get the "fries and cole slaw" thing...
You have 101 favorite recipes for kolbasi and sauerkraut.
Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; pop; and gumband actually mean something to you.
You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye.
You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside.
You often go down to the "crick".
You have to "red up", before company comes over.
You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush".
You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state.
You've ever "warshed" or "wershed" the laundry.
You know you can't drive too fast on back roads,cause-udda-deer.
You've drank an "Arn" .
You've told someone to "quit jaggin around".
You know that Clinton, Monaca, and Beaver, are actually names of towns.
You've called someone a 'jaggoff'.
You hear "you guyses", or "yins" and don't think twice.
You hate Cleveland, although you've never been there.
You drink "pop", eat "hoagies", pierogies, and gyros(jy-rows).
You know what a still mill is.
You can find Zillionopal on a map.
You go 'food shoppin' at 'Jine Iggle'.
You believe that "Ize" is the abbreviaton for "I was.
You know someone from 'Sliberty, E-sliberty, or Wesliberty.
You know the Pittsburgh Zoo is in 'Hilinpark' and have been there for school field trips.
You know what is meant by "The Point".
Chipped ham was always in your refrigerator when you were growing up.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pittsburgh.
You Know You're From Toronto When...
A really great parking spot can move you to tears.
You can recommend about 3 good body piercing parlours.
You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a nice place to live.
You realize there are far more rainbow flags in the city than Canadian Flags.
When the temperature rises above zero degrees, you yell "Woohooo! Patio weather!"
You enjoy watching channel 47 multicultural TV
You're guaranteed to know at least one person on every episode of Speaker's Corner.
You haven't been to the CN Tower since you were six, but still have nightmares about that damn turbo elevator.
You've had at least 3 bicycles stolen in the past 10 years.
You've partied with at least one of the members of The Kids in the Hall
You've fantasized about having sex in Casa Loma
At least 3 of your friends have moved to Vancouver
You turn your nose up at any establishment frequented by the S&M crowd. (Scarborough and Mississauga)
You never, never, never swim in the lake
You know "The Beaches" are really called "The Beach", but still say "The Beaches" just to annoy all the nitwits who live there
You ever had a birthday party at the Organ Grinder or The Mad Hatter
You can say "world's tallest freestanding structure" ten times fast
You know the correct answer to "Where do shopping carts go to die?" is "The Don River"
You speak better Chinese than French
The word "cabbagetown" doesn't strike you as particularily amusing
Castle Frank subway station remains one of the great mysteries of the universe for you.
You know what the bathrooms in the First Canadian Place are REALLY for
You don't know where Fort York is, but have a vague recollection of being there in a past life
You know the Demic's song "I Wanna Go To New York City" was intended as sarcasm, not a weekend getaway suggestion
You know where to find Dim Sum, Sushi, Curry, Pad Thai and a dildo at 3 am on a weeknight
For the last time, it's pronounced 'TRONNA'!
You consider eye contact a sign of hostility and an invasion of your privacy.
It takes you half an hour to get to work by TTC and you are the envy of all your friends.
You mourned the death of the Spadina Bus.
You know someone who went to high school with at least one member of The Barenaked Ladies or RUSH
You laugh heartily at people who refer to highway four hundred and one.
You've taken the vomit comit.
You can manuver your bike across Queen st. without getting caught in the streetcar tracks.
You know the difference between souvlaki, moussaka and spanakoptia.
You can name at least three locations of The Beer Store that are open till 11 PM.
You have NEVER been to the Hard Rock Cafe
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Toronto.
[two more accidental repetitions of Toronto snipped]